Title: The Parent-Child Smartphone Battle: How to Manage Teen Smartphone Addiction
Date: December 28, 2024
Author: Ms Lee Li Li, Clinical Psychologist
In today’s era of rapid technological advancement, smartphones have become an essential part of daily life. Especially for teenagers, smartphones are not only tools for learning and entertainment but also vital platforms for social interaction and accessing information.
However, as smartphone usage increases, many teens are beginning to experience serious smartphone addiction.
As parents, how can we respect our children's personal space while also reasonably guiding them to balance smartphone use with daily life? This has become a complex and delicate challenge.
Smartphones have clearly become the biggest point of contention and conflict between parents and children, a stumbling block in the parenting journey. Many teens overuse and rely heavily on their phones, sacrificing sleep to spend more time on them—resulting in sleep deprivation, poor concentration, and ultimately, a decline in academic performance.
Avoid Harsh and Forceful Control
Lee Li Li, a renowned Malaysian psychological consultant and founder of Azon Allied Health & Educare, explains that smartphones have become indispensable in modern life—not only for young people but also for adults.
“A smartphone in the hands of a teenager with weak self-control often leads to addiction. They are glued to their devices, their lives dominated by games and an overwhelming reliance on social media,” she shared in an exclusive interview with Feminine magazine.
“As parents, we certainly want our children to grow up healthy and happy. But learning how to reasonably manage and limit their screen time without damaging the parent-child relationship is one of the greatest challenges—and also an art—for every family.”
“When it comes to managing smartphone usage, parents must invest time in finding a balance.
The common approach of forcibly taking the phone away—what many see as the most direct, simple, and effective method—often backfires. It’s one of the least effective and most disliked strategies among teenagers.”
Teens naturally desire autonomy and control over their own choices. When parents step in with force, teens can feel uncomfortable, unhappy, and resistant—leading to conflict. If parents not only seize control of the phone but also restrict usage time, this will likely foster rebellious behavior and strain the parent-child bond.
Collaborate to Create Ground Rules
Lee advises parents to have open discussions with their children about screen time and to establish clear smartphone usage rules together. One effective method is co-developing a schedule to define when and how the phone can be used.
“This schedule should outline what both parties are responsible for—what tasks should be done at certain times, when to focus on schoolwork, and so on. During this conversation, parents can also explain why it’s necessary to intervene in smartphone use, such as how addiction can negatively impact physical and mental health, school performance, emotional regulation, and sleep.”
This kind of transparent discussion helps teens better understand the reasoning behind parental involvement, encouraging them to think more deeply about the purpose of these rules—not just to reduce screen time, but to protect their overall well-being.
Age-Appropriate Guidelines
Additionally, parents should tailor rules based on the child’s age. Younger children are often more prone to addiction to games, social media, or video content, whereas teenagers tend to use smartphones for communication, learning, or entertainment.
When responding to a child's request to use the phone, Lee encourages parents to adopt an open, inclusive attitude and respect their child's perspective. “For instance, when a child asks to use their phone, parents can inquire about the purpose and reason. Once they understand the context, they can create more flexible and humane rules—rather than rigidly sticking to a fixed system.”
Many teens now need smartphones for schoolwork and to stay connected with friends. Parents who are reasonable and empathetic can encourage cooperation while also showing respect, helping to preserve the parent-child relationship.
Furthermore, parents can set or adjust rules based on their child’s sense of responsibility and independence. For example, if a child consistently completes homework and meets academic expectations, parents might consider relaxing screen time rules. On the other hand, if phone usage begins to negatively affect the child’s health, life, or studies, then parents should step in promptly and have a discussion to create stricter rules.
“Linking smartphone use with academic performance and household responsibility is a good strategy. It helps children realize that phone access is not unconditional. They must earn it through effort and responsibility.”
Lee points out that this approach encourages independent thinking in teens. For example, if parents and children agree that phones can only be used after completing homework, over time, the child will naturally develop initiative and begin managing their time better—strengthening their sense of responsibility and self-discipline.
Through this process, children gradually learn that smartphone use is not automatic or unlimited—it comes with conditions. When academic performance improves, parents can reward the child by extending screen time. This positive reinforcement helps motivate learning while also reducing dependence on phones.
Cultivating Self-Control
Lee emphasizes that beyond parental control, it’s crucial to nurture a child’s self-control—a factor that deeply impacts how well smartphone use can be managed. “As the saying goes: treat the root, not just the symptoms. Parental restrictions are not permanent. Ultimately, the goal is to raise self-disciplined individuals who don’t rely on external control.”
Various tools and techniques are available to help children develop self-control. One practical method is using the built-in screen time features on smartphones. These allow kids to check how long they’ve used their phones each day and how much time was spent on different apps.
She adds that in the early stages, parents can implement user-friendly rules to gradually help children understand and manage their screen time. Once kids become familiar with these tools and begin showing signs of self-discipline, parents can step back and allow them more autonomy.
Be a Role Model and Encourage Outdoor Activities
Encouraging outdoor and offline activities—such as basketball, cycling, hiking, or community involvement—can significantly reduce a child’s dependence on their phone. Parents can also motivate children to read newspapers or books to broaden their knowledge and explore new interests.
But does monitoring a child’s phone lead to better control?
Lee believes that nobody enjoys being monitored, including children. Monitoring implies a lack of trust and invades privacy. “Before monitoring their child’s phone, parents should have a conversation and obtain consent. Secretly checking the phone while the child is asleep, for example, may make them feel violated—leading to backlash and a loss of trust.”
Instead, Lee recommends a transparent, open approach. If parents truly feel that it’s necessary to supervise phone use—perhaps to prevent exposure to inappropriate content, scams, cyberbullying, or defamation—they should first discuss it with the child and, if needed, install parental control apps with full disclosure.
Most importantly, parents must lead by example. Lee stresses that in this modern age, phone addiction is not limited to children—adults are also vulnerable.
“If parents constantly tell their children to use their phones less, but then spend hours on their own phones watching videos or playing games, that sends a conflicting message. Kids won’t accept it.”
Instead, parents should model healthy screen habits and show that they, too, can manage their phone use responsibly. This subconscious influence can be even more powerful than words.
The smartphone battle between parents and children should not be a one-sided act of control or suppression—it should be an open dialogue leading to mutual agreement and win-win outcomes.
Through role modeling and consistent communication, parents can teach their children how to use smartphones in a healthy and balanced way—without damaging the harmony of the parent-child relationship.
Lee Li Li
Renowned Malaysian Consultant Psychologist
Founder of Azon Allied Health & Educare Development Sdn. Bhd.
Written by: Lin Ai Xuan
Photos: Interviewee / Pixabay
Date: December 28, 2024
Author: Ms Lee Li Li, Clinical Psychologist
In today’s era of rapid technological advancement, smartphones have become an essential part of daily life. Especially for teenagers, smartphones are not only tools for learning and entertainment but also vital platforms for social interaction and accessing information.
However, as smartphone usage increases, many teens are beginning to experience serious smartphone addiction.
As parents, how can we respect our children's personal space while also reasonably guiding them to balance smartphone use with daily life? This has become a complex and delicate challenge.
Smartphones have clearly become the biggest point of contention and conflict between parents and children, a stumbling block in the parenting journey. Many teens overuse and rely heavily on their phones, sacrificing sleep to spend more time on them—resulting in sleep deprivation, poor concentration, and ultimately, a decline in academic performance.
Avoid Harsh and Forceful Control
Lee Li Li, a renowned Malaysian psychological consultant and founder of Azon Allied Health & Educare, explains that smartphones have become indispensable in modern life—not only for young people but also for adults.
“A smartphone in the hands of a teenager with weak self-control often leads to addiction. They are glued to their devices, their lives dominated by games and an overwhelming reliance on social media,” she shared in an exclusive interview with Feminine magazine.
“As parents, we certainly want our children to grow up healthy and happy. But learning how to reasonably manage and limit their screen time without damaging the parent-child relationship is one of the greatest challenges—and also an art—for every family.”
“When it comes to managing smartphone usage, parents must invest time in finding a balance.
The common approach of forcibly taking the phone away—what many see as the most direct, simple, and effective method—often backfires. It’s one of the least effective and most disliked strategies among teenagers.”
Teens naturally desire autonomy and control over their own choices. When parents step in with force, teens can feel uncomfortable, unhappy, and resistant—leading to conflict. If parents not only seize control of the phone but also restrict usage time, this will likely foster rebellious behavior and strain the parent-child bond.
Collaborate to Create Ground Rules
Lee advises parents to have open discussions with their children about screen time and to establish clear smartphone usage rules together. One effective method is co-developing a schedule to define when and how the phone can be used.
“This schedule should outline what both parties are responsible for—what tasks should be done at certain times, when to focus on schoolwork, and so on. During this conversation, parents can also explain why it’s necessary to intervene in smartphone use, such as how addiction can negatively impact physical and mental health, school performance, emotional regulation, and sleep.”
This kind of transparent discussion helps teens better understand the reasoning behind parental involvement, encouraging them to think more deeply about the purpose of these rules—not just to reduce screen time, but to protect their overall well-being.
Age-Appropriate Guidelines
Additionally, parents should tailor rules based on the child’s age. Younger children are often more prone to addiction to games, social media, or video content, whereas teenagers tend to use smartphones for communication, learning, or entertainment.
When responding to a child's request to use the phone, Lee encourages parents to adopt an open, inclusive attitude and respect their child's perspective. “For instance, when a child asks to use their phone, parents can inquire about the purpose and reason. Once they understand the context, they can create more flexible and humane rules—rather than rigidly sticking to a fixed system.”
Many teens now need smartphones for schoolwork and to stay connected with friends. Parents who are reasonable and empathetic can encourage cooperation while also showing respect, helping to preserve the parent-child relationship.
Furthermore, parents can set or adjust rules based on their child’s sense of responsibility and independence. For example, if a child consistently completes homework and meets academic expectations, parents might consider relaxing screen time rules. On the other hand, if phone usage begins to negatively affect the child’s health, life, or studies, then parents should step in promptly and have a discussion to create stricter rules.
“Linking smartphone use with academic performance and household responsibility is a good strategy. It helps children realize that phone access is not unconditional. They must earn it through effort and responsibility.”
Lee points out that this approach encourages independent thinking in teens. For example, if parents and children agree that phones can only be used after completing homework, over time, the child will naturally develop initiative and begin managing their time better—strengthening their sense of responsibility and self-discipline.
Through this process, children gradually learn that smartphone use is not automatic or unlimited—it comes with conditions. When academic performance improves, parents can reward the child by extending screen time. This positive reinforcement helps motivate learning while also reducing dependence on phones.
Cultivating Self-Control
Lee emphasizes that beyond parental control, it’s crucial to nurture a child’s self-control—a factor that deeply impacts how well smartphone use can be managed. “As the saying goes: treat the root, not just the symptoms. Parental restrictions are not permanent. Ultimately, the goal is to raise self-disciplined individuals who don’t rely on external control.”
Various tools and techniques are available to help children develop self-control. One practical method is using the built-in screen time features on smartphones. These allow kids to check how long they’ve used their phones each day and how much time was spent on different apps.
She adds that in the early stages, parents can implement user-friendly rules to gradually help children understand and manage their screen time. Once kids become familiar with these tools and begin showing signs of self-discipline, parents can step back and allow them more autonomy.
Be a Role Model and Encourage Outdoor Activities
Encouraging outdoor and offline activities—such as basketball, cycling, hiking, or community involvement—can significantly reduce a child’s dependence on their phone. Parents can also motivate children to read newspapers or books to broaden their knowledge and explore new interests.
But does monitoring a child’s phone lead to better control?
Lee believes that nobody enjoys being monitored, including children. Monitoring implies a lack of trust and invades privacy. “Before monitoring their child’s phone, parents should have a conversation and obtain consent. Secretly checking the phone while the child is asleep, for example, may make them feel violated—leading to backlash and a loss of trust.”
Instead, Lee recommends a transparent, open approach. If parents truly feel that it’s necessary to supervise phone use—perhaps to prevent exposure to inappropriate content, scams, cyberbullying, or defamation—they should first discuss it with the child and, if needed, install parental control apps with full disclosure.
Most importantly, parents must lead by example. Lee stresses that in this modern age, phone addiction is not limited to children—adults are also vulnerable.
“If parents constantly tell their children to use their phones less, but then spend hours on their own phones watching videos or playing games, that sends a conflicting message. Kids won’t accept it.”
Instead, parents should model healthy screen habits and show that they, too, can manage their phone use responsibly. This subconscious influence can be even more powerful than words.
The smartphone battle between parents and children should not be a one-sided act of control or suppression—it should be an open dialogue leading to mutual agreement and win-win outcomes.
Through role modeling and consistent communication, parents can teach their children how to use smartphones in a healthy and balanced way—without damaging the harmony of the parent-child relationship.
Lee Li Li
Renowned Malaysian Consultant Psychologist
Founder of Azon Allied Health & Educare Development Sdn. Bhd.
Written by: Lin Ai Xuan
Photos: Interviewee / Pixabay
