Ai FM: Emotional Intelligence and Identity of Teens

Dear parents and friends, it is a pleasure to have you listening to our consulting psychologist, Ms. Lee Li Li's public sharing on the topic "Emotional Intelligence and Identity of Teens", on 15th October 2019, Tuesday, 10:00am, on Ai FM 89.3/106.7 Ai Ceria session.

In the process of developing self-reliance in teens, other than learning on being independent and responsible, their emotional intelligence is also vital in determining their learning attitude, in which we should explore deeper towards their inner thoughts. For example, does your teen felt like being forced to learn or does not understand the reason for learning? If there is lacking of emotional intelligence, the teen will demonstrate lack of perseverance and will begin to use excuses to run away from responsibility.

Why do I need to "suffer" in order to grow?

Other than providing appropriate encouragement, parents are advised to discuss the experiences and outlooks when learning to be self-reliant. However, during the sharing and discussion, parents have to be aware of whether they are listening attentively, or being judgemental towards the subject matter. Many a time, parents would use old proverbs to guide their teens, hoping that their child may gain inspiration from it. However, this method tends to be ineffective. As a matter of fact, it only further creates the perception of “my parents don’t understand me”. That being said, what would be a better strategy?

"Stepping out of the comfort zone" instead of "suffer"

"Stepping out of the comfort zone" is meant by "doing the things that we couldn't do, doing the things that we have yet to do, doing the things that we are not confident of". But, how do we instil these values into the teens? Parents are advised to encourage their child to participate in group activities to further challenge themselves and to observe others. Their peers could also act as a source of motivation to learn and self-develop, providing them more opportunities in self-growth and to challenge their thoughts. Besides, self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. Other than family and school, parents could also discuss on the social affairs to enrich the learning experience of developing self-awareness through the learning of societal values.

"Emotional awareness" is more important than "Emotional management"

Emotional training should focus on "emotional awareness" rather than "emotional management". For example, allowing your child to realize the signs of anger, such as feeling hot in the face, increased heart rate, etc. Parents then may guide their child in processing the right thoughts and coping with the situation, such as deep breathing techniques, leaving the situation, positive thoughts, etc. Besides, through peer interaction, teens are exposed to different personalities and characteristics, allowing them to learn about resolving conflicts between peers and also respecting one another, which lead to the development of a harmonious interaction with one another. At home, instead of debunking on the child’s mistakes and weaknesses, parents should treat every opportunity and situation as a teaching moment. In this process of learning at home and in society, it allows the child to develop self-confidence and enhance their emotional intelligence in a positive light.

Please click this link to find out more, and to watch or listen to the full sharing


Note: The above content is adopted from Ai FM 89.3/106.7 (Ai Ceria) programme - “Emotional Intelligence and Identity of Teens” on 15th October 2019.

For more information, please kindly contact our office. It is our pleasure to request our consulting psychologist to assist you. Thank you.